Well, it's Thursday. Tomorrow is Friday. Why is this unusual? Well, tomorrow is finally my Ragnar relay!!! =D I'm probably equal parts excited and nervous for this. I'm still getting into doing big events, so my stomach does all sorts of jumping jacks just thinking about what's coming up. Just get me to the starting line, and I'll settle and be one cool cucumber, but until then....I guess I'll just be unable to stop moving. :)
On a completely different note, I've been thinking about a particular topic a lot lately so I thought I would share. People, especially within the Christian community, seem to have this phobia of emotional pain. I usually hear things like "guard your heart", "guard your mind", "be smart", etc. You get the picture. Now everything is coming from good intentions, I understand that. And you don't necessarily want to be flinging your affections around to any and everyone who you come in contact with. But does that mean that you should only pursue those relationships which will, a) be maintained for the rest of your life (theoretically), b) contain only good feelings, and c) be a "benefit" to you? I don't necessarily disagree with looking for relationships with people that have these qualities, but I also think it's unhealthy and snobby to completely stay away from any relationship which doesn't fit all these criteria.
To the first point - there are seasons for everything, including many relationships. You learn something from every relationship you enter into, whether that relationship lasts a week or ten years! I make friends very easily, as most of you know, and I work very hard to keep the ones that I really feel a connection with, but I'm also okay if a relationship just dies out. I'll pursue a relationship, even if I'm pretty sure it has a limited time frame, because every person you come in contact with shapes you.
Now to the second point.... good feelings. Now, I'll be the first person to say that of course you want a relationship that feels good! But, at the same time, can you honestly say that the times you have grown the most have been during happy times? I can't. Happy times do cause some change, but, at least for me, I have grown the most and learned some of the most important things during my WORST moments - sad, angry, disappointed, frustrated, you name it. So while I don't actively seek out relationships for the purpose of pushing me to my low points, I don't run away from them. Because they challenge me - they challenge me to be a better person, to contemplate what I believe, why I believe it, and to figure out what it means to be me. I don't know about you, but there are days when I feel like an enigma even to myself!
And now the last point - I don't believe that every relationship will be of the biggest benefit to you. But you may be needed by someone else to help them overcome a particular obstacle in their life. One-sided friendships are challenging, and you definitely need to be in a healthy place emotionally for it to not be a drain, but I believe sometimes we may need to be there for someone that we would never let be there for ourselves. And besides, just because you can't logically see the benefit to yourself out of a relationship, doesn't mean there isn't one!
I realize that was a whole lot of thoughts, and I'm not sure how well I explained it, but it's been on my mind a lot lately. Emotional pain isn't fun, I'm not trying to sugarcoat it, but I don't think it should be avoided nearly as strenuously as many people tell me it should. It's okay to live, it's okay to experience heartbreak, it's really okay! You live, you learn, and you cry. Life is full of ups and downs. It seems like a lot people would prefer to stay right at the happy medium - gently rollings hills of emotions, but nothing too too high or too too low. Me? I'm more of a roller coaster fan. Give me huge ups, followed by huge downs. It's all part of really living a fully experienced life, in my book.
Thursday, July 17, 2014
Thursday, July 10, 2014
Life Without Internet
Life without internet is quite the experience, I am discovering. I haven't had internet in my house since the beginning of May. Now, I have access at work and at friend's houses, so it's not that I don't have any access, but still...
Dear Sarah got married, so I ended up moving into an apartment, alone for the summer until my roommate Gianna moves in in August. It's been very interesting learning to live by myself. For one, I discovered the joy of living by yourself in the morning. You can use the blender, blast music, stumble into your door and yell threats at it, all without the fear of waking up your roommate. On the other hand, I absolutely hate living alone in the evenings...especially without internet... It's so boring. Literally the only things to do at my apartment are read, cook, and write letters. That's it. And those don't take up nearly enough time to fill all my evenings. What this means is that I frequently end making desperate phone calls to all my friends. And I mean all of them. And if no one is free, then I throw a pity party. Not really, but you get the gist.
My relay race is coming up in a week. A week! Ah! I can hardly believe it's almost here already. I feel pretty ready for it - I know, mentally, that I'm ready for it. But I go back and forth between being really jazzed and panicking. Mostly jazzed, but still, sometimes I contemplate running 13.1 miles within 24 hours - I've never done that. Ever. I'm sure it'll be awesome, and crazy, and tiring, and completely fantastic. I just have to get over the anticipation. It'll be fine once I get there - I'll be cool as a cucumber. :)
One of the cool things about doing this run is that now running 13.1 miles seems totally achievable - which means that my dreams of a half-ironman are completely within my reach. Next year could be a very cool year if I can pull this off. Aaaaah! If I had told myself two years ago I would be seriously contemplating a half-ironman, I might have laughed at myself. My body is not naturally built for endurance activities. Short burst with lots of power, I got you covered, but plod along for...ever? Not my natural bent. But the awesome thing about our bodies is that they are totally trainable! With the right plan and the right gear, you can teach your body to do amazing things, things that you may have not thought possible before.
Speaking of half-ironmans, that brings me to a pet-peeve. I guess not really a pet-peeve, more like uncomfortable situations for myself. When I tell people I'm planning to do a half-ironman within 2 years, the most common reaction is some variant of "Wow! You're so awesome and talented!". While being very flattering and all, I'd rather you save that until AFTER I actually follow through and complete the triathlon. I mean, I am awesome, it's true, but I could talk from here to kingdom come about doing a half and never actually do it. Until I cross that finish line, I'm all talk. Once I actually start training and then physically go do it, then I can accept the praise with good grace. Until then, I just feel a little weird being considered cool just because I have plans to do this really cool thing. Maybe I'm weird, but it just makes me a little uncomfortable to accept that kind of praise when I haven't done anything yet.
Work is really busy. One therapist left at the end of June, another is leaving at the end of July, and we have two coming on beginning of August. Good gracious. And June set a record for number of new patients scheduling for that month. So everyone is really full, really busy, and I run with a smile and a sense of having 20 millions things that need doing. It's better than being bored, but still - I have a feeling this next month is going to be a long one.
Dear Sarah got married, so I ended up moving into an apartment, alone for the summer until my roommate Gianna moves in in August. It's been very interesting learning to live by myself. For one, I discovered the joy of living by yourself in the morning. You can use the blender, blast music, stumble into your door and yell threats at it, all without the fear of waking up your roommate. On the other hand, I absolutely hate living alone in the evenings...especially without internet... It's so boring. Literally the only things to do at my apartment are read, cook, and write letters. That's it. And those don't take up nearly enough time to fill all my evenings. What this means is that I frequently end making desperate phone calls to all my friends. And I mean all of them. And if no one is free, then I throw a pity party. Not really, but you get the gist.
My relay race is coming up in a week. A week! Ah! I can hardly believe it's almost here already. I feel pretty ready for it - I know, mentally, that I'm ready for it. But I go back and forth between being really jazzed and panicking. Mostly jazzed, but still, sometimes I contemplate running 13.1 miles within 24 hours - I've never done that. Ever. I'm sure it'll be awesome, and crazy, and tiring, and completely fantastic. I just have to get over the anticipation. It'll be fine once I get there - I'll be cool as a cucumber. :)
One of the cool things about doing this run is that now running 13.1 miles seems totally achievable - which means that my dreams of a half-ironman are completely within my reach. Next year could be a very cool year if I can pull this off. Aaaaah! If I had told myself two years ago I would be seriously contemplating a half-ironman, I might have laughed at myself. My body is not naturally built for endurance activities. Short burst with lots of power, I got you covered, but plod along for...ever? Not my natural bent. But the awesome thing about our bodies is that they are totally trainable! With the right plan and the right gear, you can teach your body to do amazing things, things that you may have not thought possible before.
Speaking of half-ironmans, that brings me to a pet-peeve. I guess not really a pet-peeve, more like uncomfortable situations for myself. When I tell people I'm planning to do a half-ironman within 2 years, the most common reaction is some variant of "Wow! You're so awesome and talented!". While being very flattering and all, I'd rather you save that until AFTER I actually follow through and complete the triathlon. I mean, I am awesome, it's true, but I could talk from here to kingdom come about doing a half and never actually do it. Until I cross that finish line, I'm all talk. Once I actually start training and then physically go do it, then I can accept the praise with good grace. Until then, I just feel a little weird being considered cool just because I have plans to do this really cool thing. Maybe I'm weird, but it just makes me a little uncomfortable to accept that kind of praise when I haven't done anything yet.
Work is really busy. One therapist left at the end of June, another is leaving at the end of July, and we have two coming on beginning of August. Good gracious. And June set a record for number of new patients scheduling for that month. So everyone is really full, really busy, and I run with a smile and a sense of having 20 millions things that need doing. It's better than being bored, but still - I have a feeling this next month is going to be a long one.
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